Motivex, Inc. Presents
Level-Up Your Relationships
With The Premium Relationships Coaching Program
Eight 45-minute Pattern-Busting, Trigger-Halting
Coaching Sessions That Will Change the Way
You "Do Relationships!"
Tired of the same conflict?
...the same stressful feelings?
...the same unsuccessful outcome?
Gain Confidence, Connection, Ease,
and Relationship Success
with Coach Michelle Volz
Here's the thing about relationships...
Number one - we all need them.
Number two - relationships are tricky.
Because we're all human, and with that - we carry with us a massive supply of messages and beliefs about ourselves and other people, and unfortunately, a lot of those messages and beliefs are less-than-positive.
We bring all these messages and beliefs into our relationships, and that's where things get complicated.
These messages and beliefs play into how we interact with others.
The beliefs we hold determine...
- how confident we are
- how we define ourselves and our lives
- how we expect to be treated by others
- how deserving of good things we believe we are
- how comfortable we are with getting close to others
- how emotionally safe we feel about being our authentic self in the presence of others
- how good we are at advocating for ourselves when needed
- how comfortable we are with managing conflict or adversity
- how self-protective we become when we're feeling triggered, and so on.
The notion of "feeling triggered" is a crucial concept.
In fact, the experience of getting emotionally triggered when interacting with others is the very reason relationships can be so stressful!
What does it mean to "get triggered?"
Getting triggered means having a reaction to a person or a situation that activates something inside of you, something negative.
Getting hurt, getting offended, getting scared, getting nervous or anxious, getting frustrated, feeling belittled, feeling disrespected, behaving in a cold or mean way, becoming super-critical, tuning people out, shutting down, going blank, walking out - these are all reactions to getting triggered.
The Trigger Loop (also known as: "The more, the more...")
"The more you do this, the more I act like that..." creates a negative downward spiral, which leads to more friction and distance. That's the bad news.
The good news is - this cycle applies to the other direction, too - where you end up with more ease, safety, and connection. "The less you do this, the less I act like that..." creates a positive upward spiral.
Common Patterns in Relationships
Patterns in relationships are like an undercurrent that is always there, directing the flow of communication and connection (or lack thereof).
Do you know what pattern(s) you fall into in your relationships with others?
Below are some common relationship patterns, also known as "relationship dynamics."
- One gets angry, then the other gets scared and shuts down.
- One retreats or withdraws, then the other feels abandoned or rejected.
- One processes emotions quickly; the other needs more time to know how they feel.
- One expresses feelings of dissatisfaction, and the other reacts with shame and inadequacy.
- One wants to problem-solve through communication, and the other feels defensive and self-protective.
- One wants a lot of closeness and togetherness, then the other feels smothered, controlled, or trapped.
- One needs autonomy and alone time, then the other feels left out or neglected.
- One wants to delve into feelings; the other wants to keep things light, or keep things logical.
- One is leaning in toward the other, and the other is leaning away from the partner toward external things (work, friends, hobbies, etc.)
- One believes there's no space in the relationship for their feelings; the other wonders why their partner doesn't speak up more.
- One wants to define the future, and the other wants to just see how things evolve on their own.
- I am hurt, so that justifies me hurting you back.
- I am upset, and I am going to demonstrate every single aspect of my upset-ness.
- I am bothered by something, so I'm going to point out your faults and missteps.
Emotional triggers are not merely a feeling of annoyance or inconvenience...
Emotional triggers are actually brought on by unhealed emotional wounds.
We get triggered when we have unprocessed negative feelings inside our hearts and minds. Because the negative emotions have not been fully brought to the surface and acknowledged, they are driving the bus, so to speak. Like a program operating in the background.
The Premium Relationships Coaching Package